Hurting Those We Love?
Why do we hurt the ones we love the most?
Ever wondered why we treat badly the people we love the most?
It’s more simple than we may realise. We all have triggers to things that activate our pain cycles. When we are in a pain cycle we act less than we should. (More on pain cycles another time). There are thousands of reasons for our pain cycles to be activated, but we usually react in similar ways: blame, shame, escape or control.
As my friend
says, “We are not having 100 different fights. We are having the same fight 100 different ways!”The people we love the most usually provide a safe place for us to be ourselves.
So, I might get activated at work and be in a pain cycle that causes me to still be blaming when I get home. If I’m not aware that my pain cycles have been activated, my coping (blaming) will come out on those I love, just because they provide a safe place for me to be myself! Being aware of this is paramount to building loving relationships.
This is why Jules can have done nothing to deserve my bad behaviour that was activated by somebody or something else..
I need to self-regulate and find my peace cycle! What is it that works for you?
So great!